Well, it happened.
I drank. I'm not sure what happened. Nothing really happened. No Gene sightings. It felt like I was on autopilot. Friday night. Nothing to do. I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka. I wasn't in a bad mood or pissed off for any reason.
Next thing I know I'm drunk. Not crazy drunk. I had a few and I'm feeling the all too familiar buzz. In six or seven hours I'll wake up dehydrated and feeling like shit. Not knowing why I made this decision. But I did. And now I start over.
Really not looking forward to the morning guilt that I'll no doubt be feeling soon.
A few months ago I longed to be the guy who could get hammered once and awhile and then lay off the booze for another month or two. Maybe I am that guy. Who am I kidding? I started this blog because I'm not that guy.
I'm going to go drink a lot of water.
This is actually day 0. Tomorrow will be day 1.
Dumbass here. I apologize to myself.
That power of habitual behaviour has almost sunk me several times- but fortunately so far I've gotten to the "what on earth do you think you are doing?" stage before actually making a purchase. It's tough. Sounds like you are ready to forgive yourself and move on- and possibly you have more clarity about why you have chosen not to drink. Can you feel the sympathy and encouragement I am sending you?
ReplyDeleteThank you Carrie. I hope you're enjoying your vacation.
DeleteI am so so sorry! I am having a hell of a time over here, so I completely get it. ... I wish I could offer some powerful words of encouragement. .... But all I can come up with is this: Please know that I am cheering for you and hopeful for you. And I am so glad you're committed to not being "that guy."
ReplyDeleteDude. Don't fret. Maybe you just needed one last reminder? Start again. No judgement here. It's a tough addiction to beat and maybe you were just sick of being sober all the time. Being sober is very… sober… all the time…. and it gets tiring sometimes and hard work… but me I'd rather pick that tiring sober life that is sometimes hard than the boozy me necking wine wine wine all the time. Anyway… as I say.. don't beat yourself up too much.. keep writing… dust yourself off .. and away we go! xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Mrs. D....no beating up here. Time to move on!
Deleteit took a lot of courage for you to write when you slipped. You can do this! Was it Edison who said he didn't fail, but instead found 1000 ways NOT to make a light bulb. You are smart and you know how to get back up.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Liquid courage is what got me writing when I slipped. It would have been much more difficult to admit my sins the morning after.
DeleteLike riding a bicycle, you'll remember how. Stay with us, it's not really boring, it's better.
ReplyDeleteYou're right....it is better. Much better! Thanks Sharon.
DeleteHello,
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Regards
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betweendrinks@gmail.com
http://www.betweendrinksblog.com/