Day 19 - bored

It used to not matter to me what night of the week it was....as far as drinking went.  But now that I'm not drinking, it seems like Friday's always bring a little ping.  Tonight it came while I was walking the dog. 

It wasn't a really a strong will-I-or-won't-I struggle.  It was more of an "I can't wait to unwind with a couple of drinks tonight" impulse.  And then of course reality sunk in.  That's a shitty feeling. I've had it many times before, but it was usually food related.  "I'm gonna order a giant pizza tonight.....Oh wait, I'm supposed to be eating healthier."   That sorta thing.

I'm coming up on three weeks.  I know I keep mentioning it, but I can't get over how much better I've been sleeping.  There have been small but noticeable improvements in various other areas over the last few weeks, but man, the sleeping is just amazing!

I got to the gym a little early today so I grabbed a foam roller and intentionally collapsed onto the floor to stretch.  Yesterday's workout was brutal and I'm sore everywhere.  After I fell to the floor the coach laughingly asked,  "Are you drunk already?"   He knows I drink.....drank.  I've made various comments about it to him.

A few months ago he asked how I was feeling.  I told him I was working on about four hours of sleep.  He asked if I had trouble sleeping.  I laughed and admitted that I got fucking hammered the previous night and stayed up way too late.  He appreciated the honesty.

Anyway, after he asked me if I was already drunk, I told him I hadn't had a drink in close to three weeks.  That got a round of applause from him and the rest of today's group.  One guy said, "You're on the wagon?  For how long?"  I said, "I don't know....until my next drink I guess."  I wasn't really interested in turning the conversation into a serious "I drink too damn much and I can't moderate" discussion....partly because the mood was light, and partly because if they ever seen me with a drink in the future, I don't want the shame of having said that I was forever sober. 

I guess that's about all I got.