Gene's been quiet lately. Eerily quiet. I'm not sure where he went. I haven't even thought about drinking lately. I like that. I know it won't last forever, or maybe it will. It won't. I'm not going to let my guard down. It's been nice though.
When I first quit drinking I noticed that I was angry more often than normal. Going sober meant having to deal with anger, frustration, and every other negative emotion that I used to squash with vodka. I expected that, thanks to all of the other sober blogs I read. It was rough at first, but I think I've gotten a hold of it now.
Some days suck! That's just the way it is. That's life. I can't say that I've learned to enjoy the shitty days, but I'm learning to accept them. I'm learning to live in them....and I realize that one shitty day doesn't necessarily mean the next day will be shitty...especially if I proactively do something to fix a bad day. And that's much easier to do with a clear head....and by "clear", I mean sober.
Of course the downside to that is the fact that having one great day doesn't necessarily mean that the next day will be great. Life doesn't work that way....unless of course you're Tony Robbins. Just watching him wears me out though.
My son's school principal never seems to have a bad day. Always smiles with him. I envy that. It's kinda weird and corny, especially for someone like me who tends to live on the more sarcastic side of life. Could just be a front though. Like a sad clown.....not that I think he's a clown. Where was I?
Oh yeah, sobriety. Hasn't felt like a challenge lately. Feels more like seeing a long lost friend. And that's kinda nice.
"a long-lost friend"- I love that! On my good days, which happen more and more often, this IS indeed how it feels. Other day, it feels like I am in a foreign country where the language, even the alphabet, is incomprehensible to me! Congrats on 47 days! And here's to seeing even more of that old friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you Carrie! The good days do seem to be happening more and more often. I haven't had a bad day in awhile. I'm sure one will come, probably when I'm least expecting it, but that's ok. I think I'll be ready for it.
DeleteHey I've been a bit out of touch but big congrats on getting to 50 days (where you must be now).. that's fricking awesome. Especially if you are having to deal with those horrible emotions. Anger is a hard one for me.. and sadness too. Sadness I really struggle with .. I hate being sad and sometimes I just am (and I've got some sadnesses from my past I never acknowledged properly before I got sober). Anyway.. sadness and anger are a part of life! And we choose to live a real life - sober! Hugs to you xxx
ReplyDeleteDay 52 if my horrible math skills are accurate. Thanks for the congrats! Your blog, and the few others I consistently read, have been a tremendous help to me. It's like having a sober road map. I know what to look out for and expect. Makes sobriety much easier.
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